Christin and Ricky

Christin and Ricky
After a wonderful vacation in Mexico! May '10

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Finding out I had PCOS

I have never had regular periods.  I remember when I was in my teen years thinking about how it was so weird and wondering (even then) if something was wrong with me and if I would ever get pregnant.  Of course when you are a teenager you enjoy not having to deal with monthly visits from "Aunt Flo" but it still seemed strange to me.

Fast forward to when I got married...I thought that people had sex, and got pregnant.  I didn't know how MANY people had fertility issues.  A few months before I got married I started birth control.  That was the first time I had been on birth control and in my mind that's just one of the many things that was on the list of things to do before your wedding day.  Needless to say, birth control made me feel psychotic...and my husband (Ricky) was probably wondering what he was getting himself  After being married for a month or so I decided that I didn't like feeling like a psycho and decided to get off of it. I thought it would take a couple of months to adjust, but figured that maybe I would start having regular periods...nope.

This is a picture of me on our wedding day-June 2006
 I probably spent hundreds of dollars on pregnancy dad teased me saying that we should have bought stock, because they were so expensive and I was always buying them.  In my mind, I wasn't having periods, I didn't feel pregnant, but there must be a reason that I wasn't having periods.  Let me just say that peeing on a stick is VERY emotional.  Every time I took a test it was another confirmation that something wasn't right with me and a huge crushing blow to my heart. 

This was before my "crunchy" days when I knew about healthy eating, fertility, birth, pregnancy and so on.  I finally decided that I should probably bring it up in my yearly exam and made an appointment.  This doctor came with excellent recommendations and I was excited to see what they could do to "fix" my problem.  I went to my appointment and my dear friend (Shannon) gave me an idea to ask the doctor some questions about her philosophy on birth and her birth and c- section rates. 

When I let the doctor know that I had some questions for her she acted irritated but started answering 1 or 2.  When I started asking her about her birth philosophy she said to me: "Don't you think you are putting the cart before the horse."  She talked to be about PCOS...basically just saying: "It sounds like you have PCOS, we will test you for it" and suckering me into getting a STD test that was completely unnecessary, but I did it because I didn't know better.  A couple of weeks later I got the call...from my doctor? No, doctors don't have time to make calls.  It was from her nurse.  She told me "You have PCOS, what is the number to your nearest pharmacy?"  She didn't tell me what PCOS was, if the drugs were going to fix me, or anything else.  She offered no explanation in helping me understand what was going on or what all of this meant.

Thankfully Shannon had introduced me to her doula Louise and she spent some time explaining things to me.  The drugs the doctors wanted to put me on were not a fix for my problem, just a symptom and really wouldn't make a difference in the underlying issues.  I started to research PCOS to find out what it was, but at this point still didn't understand that I could (possibly) reverse my PCOS or really anything about my body.

I've read that a woman's response to finding out she has fertility issues can be very similar to someone who finds out they have a terminal illness.  I know that for me it was fairly stressful at first, but became increasingly difficult to deal with month after month of knowing that my body was not working right.  There is so much I "know" I should be doing, but it's really hard.  I've cried thousands of tears, and every time I find out a close friend or relative is pregnant it hurts in a deep way.  Seeing others having what you so desperately desire is very painful and hard.  It's also confusing because you are so truly and genuinely happy for the person, but knowing that your body is still messed up is really hard.  It makes it even harder when people tell you, I wasn't sure if I should tell you or not, but I didn't want you to find out later.  I don't want to be treated differently from other friends, and yes it's hard, but I still celebrate and am happy for those who do get pregnant. I also have heard countless times, "So and so couldn't get pregnant and then adopted and got pregnant right after" or "So and so finally stopped trying and found out they were pregnant shortly after." BLAH...

I feel like the Lord has taken me through all of this for a reason.  I have done a lot in the past 5 years, including getting my college degree in education, and the Lord showing his provision through providing me with a job in a horrible economy.  We also started fostering in December of 2010 and would not have had these precious kiddos if we had started our own family.  I don't know what will happen, or what the Lord still wants me to learn, but even though I deeply desire to get pregnant, I am ok with where I am at now.  This is my story, thoughts and feelings (the short version, lol)...



  1. Thank you for sharing your heart with us! I know it wasn't easy getting all of that out. So glad to be able to walk beside you in your and Ricky's journey. Love you guys!!

  2. Wow girl I had no idea!!! Thanks for sharing. I'm sure you feel much better getting this off your chest! I know God will bless you for all of this. Just take care of those kiddos the best you know how, even tho it's hard. Show them what a Christian home is like. Love you, girlie!!! ~H.

  3. First off, I LOVE you!!!! I think the Lord is going to use your story to touch so many others, and I can't wait to see how He writes the rest :)

  4. I feel like I learn more from you than you ever learned from me. You are such a blessing in my life, and I'm thankful that I get to help a little with your foster children. They are such a gift from God.

  5. Thank you for sharing. We had a friend with similar issues. Her testimony is here:

    We love you.